Sitting on the Fences: November 2009

disclaimer : what i am about to say in this post could be written off as a spoiled rotten kid's ranting... but i dun give a hoot about it

Today i shall talk about one of the life's greatest duties : Parenting

First of all, i would like to give credit and upmost gratitude to all parents for their hardwork and efforts. Parenting ain't exactly a walk in the park, from changing the diapers to affording their college tuition fees, parents does it all, and some ( mostly ) have to do it for more than one child. And not only in terms of materialistic needs, parents also have to make sure children are well loved and emotionally well taken care of. So for that i would like to say THANK YOU, seriously, u guys doing a a good job keep up the good work =D

But of course , being a ungrateful youngster like myself, of course there are some issues.

People, have you guys ever heard your parents keep on ranting about" how lucky you guys are now in this time" and they are over pampering you? I 'm quite sure there are some who is quite familiar with this complain.

Well, in some ways , yes, we are over pampered by our parents. If you wanted toys , they will get it for you ; mobile phones , video games, computers , or my personal favourite, clothes and shoes. It cannot be denied that whenever we have demands, parents will at one point will submit to them. So yes, we are over pampered. but the question is why we are over pampered? was our parents over pampered as well? The answers lies at their capability to give and our capability to receive.

"To give and to receive" is the key aspect on this "over pampered" issue, here's the key idea:

"one's capability to receive is directly proportionate to one's capability to give"

Still can't grasp the concept? here's an example:

Picture this, back when our parents were children, their parents couldn't give much due to hard times and low income, low standard of living, blah blah blah.... hence they couldn't give much to our parents, hence they are "under pampered" hence their capability to receive is as limited as to their parents' ability to give.

Now with parents financial ability increases, they now have the capability to afford these demands hence they buy more stuff to the children than what their parents used to. and since they can afford to give more, proportionately we as children also demand for more and the cycle continues. Hence we are "over-pampered".

Now its not fair to say that it is completely either side's fault , it takes two to tango, both have their fair share of responsibility in this mess.

Should a children's wants is denied , it would be treated as an act of " parents no love me bohoo " by them, and it will result sadness of the children, creating an immense sense of guilt within parents. but whenever children's demands is meet , they will ask for more, creating a bigger dilema for parents. on the other hand, some parents resort to strict upbringing hence they will say no to every demands the child has made, leaving the children severely lack of parents affection.

All this resulting either an overpampered spoilt rotten little brat or a severely underpampered loveless child.

by now you guys probably are half dead or half asleep after reading to this point. for those who made it this far huzzah, its either my post here has captured your interest or you guys have really nothing to do. And now, i shall use this very same concept of pampering, applying on parents. (now this part I m really gonna sound like i m ranting.)

For a family with multiple children, there are bound to be some sort of favoritism. when parents says that they love each child equally i would like to say

BULLSHIT

and also, you know those kind of parents that always like to comparing you with other children.

"why cant you be as good as your sister/ brother? "

" why cant you be like uncle/aunty (insert name)'s son/ daughter ? "

yes indeed parents like to compare alot, and there is some unjust treatment, especially when parents handling siblings of different caliber.

case study 1 :

requirements to get a brand new phone

you : top 5 in your class

siblings : just dont fail

reason dished out by parents : "its already a very good effort by your siblings already, give her some credit"

case study 2 :

school attending for secondary education

you : government public school

siblings : private school

reason dished out by parents : " your siblings need better education so she can catch up with the others"

case study 3 :

punishment for disobeying or disrepecting authorities

you : corporal punishment with severe scolding

your siblings: nothing... maybe a little slightly volume elavated empty threats

reason dished out by parents: " you see you see, one of these days i am gonna severely punish your siblings"

my opinion : that day will never come.

Well u get the idea.. The reason of all this unjust, the reason why when your friend can party all night and not get scolded , whereas you getting buried by your parents when you missed your curfew ; the reason why your parents demands less for your other siblings and yet still rewards as much ( even more) ? It all comes down to that very same theory

"one's capability to receive is directly proportionate to one's capability to give"

It also applies to parents, when a children can give more let say good result, parents expects better or equivalent result the next time ; When a children is obedient, parents expects more obedience from them. In short, when a children has the ability to give more, the demand of parents towards to the children also increases. Resulting what i would like to call over-pampered parents. sounds logical right?

So when it all comes down, there are 2 things that we, as children or parents ,must keep in mind:

1) Humans are greedy , give them an inch they take a mile

2) Moderation is key whether in parenting the children or parenting the parents

well that is all i wanted to say, thank you for reading my thoughts. if you guys have some opinions on this, let me know =)

that is all, i m out....